and you know that i admire you…

i’m sure that there are no parents in this world who do not love their children. though i know that there ARE definitely some bad parents who neglect, abuse and hate their kids to the core that they’d rather see their own broods die.

i’m lucky to meet and get acquainted with some parents who just adore their little children. i don’t mean normal parents with very normal, talking, walking and running kids. i’m talking about parents with special needs children. they are the ones who inspire me to look at Fateha in a positive way.

she may look normal to everyone who sees her. they even argue with me when i say she’s not normal. i have had some people saying what a bad parent i was for saying such things about my own child. *rolls eyes*

born as a micro preemie with Erb’s Palsy and later diagnosed with Hypertonia (high muscle tone) and Global Developmental Delay, she could crush my fragile heart at any moment of her life. at every doctors’ appointment, there are sure some heartache moments especially when we are told of negative this and negative that. now not every parent can swallow. they are like sharp stabs that puncture you so badly and then this special little one brings you back to life, looking forward to see her angelic face.

with ever supportive grandparents

i’m proud to be making the decision to put her in a special school, where she is attending an Early Intervention Programme.  this is her third year in that school and she has been showing great progress especially in her speech. though not perfect, she speaks with understanding. her social skills are marvelous! she gets along well with everybody and anybody.

she greets our neighbours when she sees them (and fond of saying “good morning” at any time of the day), she readily says “sorry” if she thinks she blocks the way of others. she adores young children and loves babies! and we’re in the process of getting a little playmate for her.

oh yea, she’s doing pretty well with her potty training. YAY! still in diapers, though. i’m just not ready to let her off it completely.

the ONLY thing that hinders most of her daily activities and routines is her walking. she still needs to be leaning against a wall or structure whilst i do some chores and she needs to hold my hand when walking. basically, she still needs the support. we’ve tried letting go of our hands but she will have a disgraceful fall. she will fall without trying to stop herself or putting out her hand to grab on something. she will fall like a little piece of domino. she’s good at knee walking, though. but her knees are becoming sore.

it is sad. looking at your almost perfect kid unable to do one thing that is so basic. walk. no! it is not mainly due to her delay. as i have mentioned earlier, she has Hypertonia in her calve muscles. when she walks, she will tiptoe. her ankles are very tight and her muscles do not help her much.

i have faith in her. i know she will definitely be walking independently.

one day.

one fine day.

to toilet we will go

recently on the bus, when we were on our way home, an old lady who had a little girl in her lap kept looking at us. me and fateha. i smiled at her and she gave me a sneer. fine. she stared at fateha, up and down. and looking furiously at fateha’s crotch area.

old lady: how old is she?
me: just turned 4 *smiled*
old lady: and she’s still wearing diapers?
me: yes.
old lady: she *pointing to her grand daughter* will turn 4 also but in september. and NOT wearing diapers anymore.
me: *smiled*

good job to that mother who managed to train a little kid to pee independently. i know i did a lousy job for not training her enough. i remembered the first time, mid last year when she was 3, i tried putting her onto the toilet seat, telling her to pee. and i squatted right in front of her just to make sure she leak. which of course, she didn’t.

gave her a prep talk and explaining the pee-into-the-toilet-bowl job to a micro preemie who’s diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay (GDD) was not easy. she kept saying yes yes yes but pee pee pee she did in her pants. tried again but no progress made so i gave up. lousy mom, i was.

this year, i mean yesterday, i rolled up my sleeves and prepared myself. no way was i ever gonna let her wear diapers for so long. i’ve set my target: by the time she turn 5 next Jan, she’ll be diaper free. yes, i’m giving it a year. at the rate we’re going (i’m working, so it’s not helping much) and the volume of pee she leaks, a short term goal is not possible.

though she has GDD, her speech and understanding of commands is fairly good. and it has become so much better ever since she turned 4. so i talked to her and got her to respond to me.

me: i’m not putting on a diaper for you, ok?
her: ok! cannot pee here *points at her panties*
me: call me if you want to pee.
her: ibu, i want to pee!
me: good!

the first hour of diaper-free went very well. she was dry and didn’t call me or hubby. so instead, we had to call her out. kept asking her every 5 minutes. she shook her head and probably got tired of answering us. WE HAD TO! sorry, darling. and when she finally said, “uhh! WET!!” we knew instantly that an accident happened. and after changing and telling her, she peed in her shorts, yet again. and again. and again.

we had many wet panties and shorts chucked into the corner of the toilet for washing. my patience was thinning! hubby was furious. but i knew, i couldn’t afford to give up.

i discussed with her that she was only allowed to wear a diaper when she sleep at night. and she agreed. so this morning, right after washing her up, she was back into the diaper-free regime. exactly like yesterday, the first hour was dry. she called out to me, i checked and she was dry. so i sat her up on the seat and she peed. praised and encouraged, i did. got her to tell hubby that she managed to pee in the toilet bowl.

so far, today, it went quite well. only 2 accidents so far. she tells me when she FEELS like peeing. now that’s more like it, isn’t it? but i have to put her on the diaper when she naps because…accidents on the mattress would blow me up into a mean, green monster.

 

what a BEACH!

the last time i had so much fun at the beach with my paternal family was…err…okay! i can’t recall. but i’m sure it was waaaay too long ago. we made plans and decided to hit the beach as one battalion.

what surprised us was we were sharing the waters with…

jellyfish. not one, not two…but lotsa them!

my brother and uncle were the ones who daringly caught the jellyfishes with their bare hands. fortunately they weren’t stung. maybe they had secret powers! being thoughtful people that we are, we put them in a clay ware we found in the bushes filled with sea water. just to keep them alive.

we had a cake cutting time too, celebrating Fateha’s birthday together with my brother’s and his wedding anniversary. all in one. the cake design was a bit wrong for this anniversary celebration but the flavour was to die for! royal chocolate, a heaven on a earth!

remember Fateha being aquaphobic? she overcame her fears and swam in the water with everyone. for a matter of fact, she didn’t want to get out of the water! what a change, i must say. so everyone enjoyed their swim except for me. i didn’t bring extra clean undies for a change. i just had my legs dipped.

oh, don’t worry about the jellyfishes. we threw them back into the waters right before we left. and when the waves hit back, one little jello beached. so my brother had to push it back in…using a stick.

playing outside

i remembered having so much fun playing outside the house, along the corridors with my screaming brothers when we were so much younger. cos that was where we spent most of our playtime at, besides the playground and the big drain along the parking lots.

i didn’t want to coop her up indoors all of her childhood so i opened the door today and let her loose! she was happy to be moving along the corridors on her little trike. but i disliked how quiet it was. unlike my time, children of all ages played outside from the time they got back from school at 1pm all the way till 7pm. some even later.

i felt bored, watching her cycled to and fro, around the rubbish chute and towards the lift. it was too quiet that i was scared of making too much noise. each time she called out for me, while i took deep deep breaths of fresh air which was blowing furiously on my face, i shushed her and asked her to keep it down. and she was not even screaming. yes! it was that quiet.

anyone here??

not a single soul was seen outside. scary? no. it’s a pity for the kids, i would say.

i’m bored, ibu. let’s go home…

we stayed out for about 20 minutes before we went back inside. but i promised her that i’ll bring her downstairs, next time. to the new playground that was installed recently. yay!

 

first day boo boo

i don’t blame her for crying today, on her first day of school. i kind of expected that already. it was either she cried or i cried. lol. had a quick lunch just to see her got on the school van today but there was a disruption in the transportation so i had to get back into class. i missed seeing her up the van.

anyways, the caregiver told me that she had to follow Fateha in the van because she was SCREAMING for her once the van lady strapped her onto her seat. haha! funny little girl.

i pleaded was granted one hour time off from work (at 4pm) so that i could get to her school in the late afternoon. this year, her school hours has been extended from two to four hours. great! more can be done on her by great teachers and therapists.

Fateha saw me walking up to the soft play room, where she and her classmates were, and gave me a surprised look, from the window. tsk, the drama mama! oh, i made friends with one of her classmates’ mom. nice lady, she was. so i got to know that the children in that class were all diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay. and that mom told me how her son has been showing great improvements since the first time he joined the programme. yay!

Fateha’s got a new teacher and totally new classmates too. i managed to sneak my camera into the class (i didn’t think it was prohibited, anyways) and snapped her cheeky self in action.

trying to warm up with Teacher Ayu.

i think she has some form of attachment with her previous class teacher, Teacher Pavitra (whom she lovingly called Teacher Pavi), cos she kept asking for her. and Teacher Pavi was in the soft play room as well. so i approached her and chatted for awhile, before i stopped after realising that i was sounding like a nosy parent.

they seemed to be enjoying rolling off the log.

nice friends she has in her class now. much more cheerful and slightly more vocal than her previous classmates. i hope this will boost her social skill as she interacts with them. i must admit that i enjoyed seeing Fateha and Valencia chuckling and giggling to each other. another yay!!